I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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