Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
