Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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