Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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