I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
