I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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