haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
