I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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