I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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