Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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