Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
