i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
