I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
