Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
