sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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Do I have a choice?
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he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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