question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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