dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
