my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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