I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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