I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
