take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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