just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
