I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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