Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
