So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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