People in love make me want to vomit
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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