WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How does one acquire holy water?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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