All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
