Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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