btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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