booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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