Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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