i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my shit smells like andre
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
