I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
