Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.