I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.