Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
