That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights