No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it