his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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