Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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