He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize