AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
