Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize