The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
