i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
