now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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