Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
