I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
