Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
