I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
