Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
