She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
