My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
