omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
