hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
