Dude my mom stole all your condoms
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
