I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
