I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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