So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
