i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
