So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
