Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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