so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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