My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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