can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize