she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
