Porn is love you can see.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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